Love: the lessons I’ve learnt over the years

Love: the lessons I’ve learnt over the years

Carol Vorderman opens up about her experiences and asks what relationships really mean to us women of a certain age.

Carol Vorderman opens up about her experiences and asks what relationships really mean to us women of a certain age.

I tend to keep my private life exactly that – private. I don’t particularly want to share my intimate little bubble with millions of people. But there are lessons I have learnt over the years, or wisdom my friends have passed on, that I am happy to share.

Relationships have shaped who I am, just as they do for everyone. My wonderfully happy marriage to Paddy (until it suddenly wasn’t happy and we divorced very quickly) gave us two interesting and good children. We are very close and laugh a lot.

I would change some of the decisions I’ve made now that I am wiser, but there are only one or two regrets. Life is too short to waste on bad things and hindsight is great, but not very helpful!

I am incredibly happy as a single 56-year-old. Life became even more interesting after 50, trust me! But here are two main bits of wisdom I would like to impart on the young(er)…

No matter what your friends may say, or society might want you to think, you know what you know. You know deep down if something isn’t right, you know deep down if someone genuinely makes you happy and wants the best for you. You know if someone is your wingman, or if they are attempting in some way to control you. No amount of excuses can compensate for what you know, so don’t be persuaded by some form of societal logic that something is right if you know it isn’t.

Secondly, life is short and getting into and properly out of a committed relationship takes years before it’s “finished business”. So don’t go any further into your commitment than you want to, just to share a mortgage, for example. The one thing that has no respect for money, social grace or logic, is time itself. Don’t waste it.

Who else agrees with me that your age can really impact on what you look for in a relationship?

I live my life as different chapters, not as a pursuit of a “forever”. It makes things freer and more comfortable and more suitable to here and now. Here and now is all we have and that makes the colours in the sky brighter, the smiles fuller and life sweeter. Don’t worry about the past or look too far into the future – it always works out. And never ever allow bitterness into your soul. It’s toxic. Don’t be with bitter people, or envious people.

As part of the community here on Victoria, I would love to know how you tackle the ins and outs of your relationships, whether you are happily married, divorced, single or happy to share!

It can be a bit of a minefield, getting back out there and dating again after a while, or perhaps just making sure you are still YOU after 30 years of being a couple. There is definitely no right or wrong way to go about it, but I would love to hear your thoughts.

Here are two of the most common relationship questions I get asked. What would your response be? I’d love to hear them so please do leave your comments in the section below.

What do you think are the foundations for a good relationship?

What do you compromise on, and when do you stand your ground?

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Love to you all,
Carol

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Enlightened

Tammi 18/11/2017

Thanks carol you have helped me put things in perspective

Bereaved

Barbara 01/08/2017

I lost my husband 17months ago,just like Lindac Im so lost. Im feeling my life has stopped and I cant get motivation.Really would love to meet a man to be taken for a drink or a meal,will it ever happen.

Lovely words from Carol

Lindac 31/07/2017

After over 47 years I have just lost my soulmate and at the moment feel like a lost soul. The guy who used to meet me at the school gates, who I married at 16 is now gone and I feel so alone. I am now starting a new chapter of my life and have no idea where this is going but I will take Carol's words with me for good advise.

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Carol Vorderman

Presenter, author, superwoman