Six ways to embrace single life

Six ways to embrace single life

There is life after divorce, and it can be surprisingly fun! Here’s how to not only adapt but flourish as a newly single person.

There is life after divorce, and it can be surprisingly fun! Here’s how to not only adapt but flourish as a newly single person.

After years in a marriage, beginning a new life on your own can feel daunting to say the least. But leaving a relationship that is past its shelf life can lead to greater happiness than you ever could have imagined.

We’ve got some advice on enjoying the next chapter to the full.

Reframe your split

Starting life over again post-divorce can feel daunting, even making you question whether you’ve made the right decision – but don’t fall into that trap. Instead, remind yourself every day of the benefits of your new, less-attached life.

Let yourself remember all the irritations and annoyances you once lived with day in, day out, and be glad to be free of them. Don’t romanticise the past, or yearn for what wasn’t really there – try to remember how you really felt and why it’s positive that you’ve left those emotions behind.

And remember, every day with the wrong person is one less day you could have spent happily on your own or with the right person.

Enjoy setting the agenda

Is there something you’ve always wanted to try, but your partner wasn’t interested in it? A type of holiday you’d have loved to take that just wasn’t his thing? Well, now’s the time to indulge in it.

Cook the meals he’d never eat; spend hours wandering the shops if you always had to rush because he got impatient; redecorate the house with all those flourishes he wasn’t keen on.

You could even consider moving somewhere new – did you always dream of a coastal home, a country pile or being more in the hustle and bustle of a big city?

Or is there a hobby you’d love to try? Now’s the time to enjoy all your favourite things – especially those you put on the back burner while you were married. You know who you are and what you like, so get out there and enjoy it.

Look after you

The effects of divorce can take their toll on your physical and mental wellbeing, so it’s important to really take care of yourself. Be a bit selfish and invest in you.

Consider taking up yoga (if you have a sensitive bladder, wear a virtually invisible Always Discreet liner so you feel confident during every bend and stretch), or try mindfulness techniques to help with the emotional upheaval you’ve experienced.

Eat well – perhaps sign up to a cookery course for inspiration now you’re cooking for one. And get active – simply walking can have a hugely positive impact on your wellbeing.

Perhaps getting a dog would give you company, and another reason to get out and get active. If you’re tempted, check out the six questions to ask yourself before getting a pet first to help make the right decision for you.

Love how you look

If you’ve lost confidence or just feel you could do with a boost, spoil yourself! Have a facial, a manicure or a personal stylist appointment at your favourite clothing store. Perhaps head to the hairdressers for a whole new look.

Don’t think that just because you’re not in your twenties or thirties anymore you’re invisible; look at other fabulous women in your age group – Salma Hayek or Nigella Lawson, for example – and take inspiration from them. They’re not hiding away, and neither should you!

You’re not ‘old’ unless you choose to be, so while your body will have changed, it doesn’t make you any less attractive. Millions of people start over in their fifties, sixties and beyond.

Get social

When you lose a partner, you can also lose mutual friends. Of course it can feel sad to lose old friendships, but try to see it as an opportunity to expand your circle, and breathe new life into your social scene.

Think about ways to meet like-minded people, from interest groups to courses and even social apps. Become chattier in your day-to-day life so that you build your social confidence – say “hello” to fellow walkers, the nice man in the coffee shop or that neighbour you always see when you take out the recycling.

If and when you’re ready, dip a toe back in the dating pool – be sure to check out our savvy ways to date online – and ask your friends to introduce you to potential suitors. With experience comes confidence, so you won’t waste time with the wrong person again.

Think about your future, your way

Dealing with separation can make you feel lost, so change your mindset by taking some time to consider what you want for your future. Take stock of what’s good and what you’d like to change, because now you can.

If you fancy a change – whether that’s with your career, where you live or who you spend your time with – consider what direction you fancy going in, and search out someone you could meet for a coffee to discuss it. Believe in your worth and know that now, your future is in your hands.

Have you been through divorce or separation? How did you overcome the upheaval? Share your stories in the comments section below.

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Have faith in you

Julie 11/04/2018

Having left a miserable marriage it took over a year to recover emotionally then deciding what next? I opted to move over 350 miles away from a suburban life to a very remote country area over a year ago. I just wish I'd done it years before as I now have a full life through volunteering I've made many new friends and each day I see and get to do new things. I'm 60 family grown up were shocked and worried at first but now understand the huge difference it's made in my life.

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