How to fall back in love with your partner all over again

How to fall back in love with your partner all over again

After years together, how can you reignite that intense sense of intimacy and fan the flames of love all over again? Here are some tips to try…

After years together, how can you reignite that intense sense of intimacy and fan the flames of love all over again? Here are some tips to try…

There is nothing like the first flush of love to make us feel good about ourselves and the world around us.

Shrouded in the blissful bubble of unabashed affection and sexual attraction, a fledgling love affair puts a spring in our step and boosts our self-esteem, cocooning us in a rosy glow.

Carefree and willing to be spontaneous, we cast aside the mundanities of life to immerse ourselves in an exciting new coupled-up existence. We forget about the boring stuff, like supermarket shopping and housework, and exist in a highly charged world where food and laundry are simply obstacles to passion.

Love versus reality

But in even the most wonderful, intimate relationships, that initial euphoria fades as we settle into the routine of everyday life. The thrill of dating is replaced by the reality of living together: sharing the responsibilities of running a household exposes all those personality traits that remained under wraps when your relationship existed solely in restaurants, cinemas, parks and concert venues.

Setting up home together is not only about committing to being a couple; it’s the start of accepting compromise in your relationship. Those cute habits that were endearing when you first met can start to niggle when you wake up with them every morning. His daily ritual of gargling after cleaning his teeth that made you giggle as a love-struck 20- or 30-something? It’s now just an irritant when you’re trying to catch the weather forecast on the radio as you dress for work.

And when children come along, the partner you committed yourself to with absolute certainty somehow disappears, and becomes the person who sorts the recycling, mows the lawn and ferries the kids to football – and forgets you had a girls’ night out booked when he said he’d join his colleagues for a drink after work.

Falling in love again

Sound familiar? We’ve all been there – including those friends who seem to have the most amazing marriage. The ones who still hold hands when they’re watching the kids at the school sports day? They’ve had moments when they wondered if they had a future, questioning whether they’re still ‘in love’ even though they love each other dearly.

After all, years down the line, the novelty of a new relationship is hard to replicate, and familiarity can make spontaneity challenging. But it can be done, and you might discover that love is even better second time around.

Rediscover your own passions

Whether it’s music or a hobby such as netball or painting, rediscovering your own personal passions will help you start to feel more like your youthful self.

You’ll come alive again and start to see the world (and your partner) with fresh eyes.

Don’t be afraid to pursue things independently – a little time apart, doing something for you, brings out the best side of you, and will help you both recall why you fell in love.

Someone who has a zest for life and enjoys their own interests is very appealing to others – and the space will make your partner more attractive to you, too.

Take good care of yourself

As we age, it can be hard to feel as confident about ourselves as when we were younger. We watch our bodies changing and worry our partners won’t find us as attractive as before.

But remember they have their insecurities too. And as long as you take good care of yourself, you will look your best.

Exercise, eat well, and look after your skin and hair with products specially designed for your needs. For example, Pantene Age Defy Expert Collection is specially formulated to help thicken and add shine to ageing hair, and there’s nothing like gorgeous hair to make you feel great about yourself.

Remember the people who fell in love

It’s all too easy to moan about how your partner has changed or become dull, but it happens to all of us when we’re in a long-term relationship. When we want something to change, we have to realise that it takes a bit of effort on our part, too.

Try to notice the things that initially drew you to each other – because they’re still there somewhere. His humour? Your sense of mischief? Your ability to talk about the merits of Bond films together for hours on end?

Remind yourself of the people you both were when you fell in love, and you’ll place yourself solidly in the frame of mind to do it all over again.

Choose your battles

Yes, it is annoying that he’s always leaving his socks on the floor, but your habit of filling the shower with all your hair and body products drives him mad, too.

Accept you both have flaws and let them go. Stop judging and start living. Once you can come to terms with the small niggles, you can get on with enjoying each other’s company once more.

Start a conversation

A long-term relationship often suffers from the silent treatment, where lines of communication gradually shut down as you begin to take each other for granted. And, in the digital age, we’re all guilty of texting or emailing each other when previously we might have picked up the phone to talk.

Make a point of practising the art of conversation over meals or shared car journeys: ask questions, share news and views and actively rediscover each other’s personalities.

You’ve both evolved since those early days: don’t let yourselves drift apart, but nurture the relationship by talking. Enjoy your differences and celebrate your compatible opinions.

Make a bucket list together – and do it

Sit down together and share your dreams. Make a list of things you want to do, and then work out how to make them happen – together. The sense of satisfaction and achievement in sharing those challenges and experiences will bring you closer together.

What are your tips for keeping the spark alive in a long-term relationship? Let us know in the comments section below.

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Together forever

Jean 31/01/2017

Ive been with my husband 39 years and i am 52 yrs old, he was my next door neighbour, my best friend was his cousin when i was a teenager and now my best friend is his sister. We have 2 children age 11 and 15. But we are finding it hard to break the silence. I am trying so hard. I know its hard especially when he is ill now. My only hope is we will meet each other half way and be happy.

Timing

babyhk 31/01/2017

Married 31 years I have to find my time to have my voice heard with a balanced response which isn't after a busy day at work when the only friend my husband focuses on is food. I try to never argue near bedtime . We get in bed and this is the time I really think and I know he does too.

24 years together

Wendymul 21/01/2017

Its not easy ! It takes effort on both parts to keep things alive . We make time at least once a week to go out for a meal go on an a bike ride have a movie night . We get dressed up and make an effort to look nice for each other. It seems to be working . Still in love after 24 years together !

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